What’s Up, Lonely?

Saturday night and I probably should’ve gone out last night.

Super Bowl Weekend and I really should’ve made plans to watch it with friends.

Instead, I’m home attempting to hide from the world but still trying to dodge my emotions. Result: 6 hours of brainless television.

And I’ve been drowning my brain cells in meaningless shows to keep myself from thinking this thought:

I could be sleeping in his arms right now. Without these tears, without this pain, without this aching feeling of loneliness, I could be sleeping blissfully in his arms. Happy, full off sex, and loved.

I know why I did this and hey, my brain is right there with you. But my heart is being a little irrational at the moment.

It wants to be loved. To be held. To be appreciated. To be someone’s number one.

And tonight, I don’t even feel like my own number one.

[EDIT 2:02am: After a thirty minute session of balls-out bawl-out, I stumbled upon this beauty. This shit is so going down tomorrow night]

~ by jeska on February 7, 2010.